To My Absent Father, I’ll Be Okay Without You.

To My Absent Father, I’ll Be Okay Without You.

Most of us are guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve.

We hope and pray that those people have changed or will change. Foolishly, we cling onto every last scrap of decency left in our relationships until we have nothing left to give.

Don’t get me wrong, many people are worthy of forgiveness and a second chance. But what happens after that?

How many chances do you give?

I’ve spent most of my teenage and adult life giving my father chance after chance. I see the best in people, and until now, believed that love alone was enough to glue the pieces of our broken relationship back together. The truth is, it isn’t enough.  And I’m okay with that.

In fact it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, my anxiety has lessened and I feel at ease. There is a grieving process that comes with losing some close even when they haven’t passed away and I feel intense sadness for what should have been, but I have nothing left to give.

No more chances.

I’ve lived without him before and I’ll do it again. Except this time there will be no what if’s, there will be no maybe’s, just acceptance.

I need to teach my children that it’s okay to walk away from those who aren’t good for you. They need to see me moving forwards, not going around in circles. I may not feel strong, but I need to show them what true strength is.

I’m closing the door, not just for me, but for them.

They know that bad people exist but it is my job to protect them, and that’s exactly what I’ll do until the day I die.

Deciding that enough is enough hurts, but I know that eventually it’ll stop hurting quite so much. I know that one day I’ll stop looking over my shoulder and my heart won’t race with fear at the mere thought of his presence. I know I’ll be okay.

I refuse to live my life in the darkness he creates.

To my absent father, I’ll be just fine without you.

 

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To my absent father.

 

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14 Comments

  1. 02/26/2018 / 12:41

    I think it’s a real brave and positive step to cut out negative people. It’s something I’ve struggled with for years as I’m too much of a people pleaser,but I’ve been getting better lately

  2. Sarah - Mud, Cakes and Wine
    02/26/2018 / 14:00

    What a hard decision to make but I am so happy your already feeling better for it. We can only give so many chances and deal with the pain xx

  3. nahdia
    02/26/2018 / 14:50

    What a brave decision you have made, surrounding yourself with positive people with positive energy is the way forward x

  4. 02/26/2018 / 20:39

    You sound so brave and strong. You’re such a positive influence on your children.

  5. 02/27/2018 / 09:26

    Some people just don’t deserve to be part of our lives. It’s one of the most difficult things to accept but once you do it feels so much better.

  6. I hope you can move forward now. I think it’s always harder to reach that decision when you have kids. We are estranged from my father-in-law. It gets easier. x #DreamTeam

  7. 02/27/2018 / 18:51

    Well done. A huge step. It must have taken so much strength. Thanks for sharing #dreamteam

  8. 02/28/2018 / 19:57

    It is so hard to make that decision, brave always feels awkward but that is exactly what it is. And yes the grieving would almost be easier if they had passed away. I went through something very similar but with my daughters own father. It was so hard but I knew in myguts it needed to be done and was almost surprised with the sense of relief for both of us when it was done. Well done lovely, and well done for sharing such a personal experience xx

  9. 03/04/2018 / 06:54

    How very brave and strong you are to be able to make this decision. Some people are toxic and need to be out of our lives, I’ve had to let go of a few family members, though no one as close to me as a father. I hope you and your children continue to embrace only the people who want the best for you. #DreamTeam

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