Most of us are guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve.
We hope and pray that those people have changed or will change. Foolishly, we cling onto every last scrap of decency left in our relationships until we have nothing left to give.
Don’t get me wrong, many people are worthy of forgiveness and a second chance. But what happens after that?
How many chances do you give?
I’ve spent most of my teenage and adult life giving my father chance after chance. I see the best in people, and until now, believed that love alone was enough to glue the pieces of our broken relationship back together. The truth is, it isn’t enough. And I’m okay with that.
In fact it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, my anxiety has lessened and I feel at ease. There is a grieving process that comes with losing some close even when they haven’t passed away and I feel intense sadness for what should have been, but I have nothing left to give.
No more chances.
I’ve lived without him before and I’ll do it again. Except this time there will be no what if’s, there will be no maybe’s, just acceptance.
I need to teach my children that it’s okay to walk away from those who aren’t good for you. They need to see me moving forwards, not going around in circles. I may not feel strong, but I need to show them what true strength is.
I’m closing the door, not just for me, but for them.
They know that bad people exist but it is my job to protect them, and that’s exactly what I’ll do until the day I die.
Deciding that enough is enough hurts, but I know that eventually it’ll stop hurting quite so much. I know that one day I’ll stop looking over my shoulder and my heart won’t race with fear at the mere thought of his presence. I know I’ll be okay.
I refuse to live my life in the darkness he creates.
To my absent father, I’ll be just fine without you.