When Mia was born unexpectedly, I had to grow up fast. I went from carefree teenager to a mother literally over night. It was a huge shock to the system. It’s only now that I realise quite how much of an impact the whole experience had on me. I’ve always been quite mature for my age, an old soul on young shoulders, but I quite often feel like I’m not a ‘proper’ adult.
There was no transition period, no time to prepare. A tiny human was handed to me and from then on everything was about her, not me. I was still living at home with my mum, stepdad and brother, studying at college and enjoying my youth. My age may have made me an adult but other than that, I wasn’t really an adult at all.
Fast forward seven and a half years and my world is entirely different.
I’ve had a second child, Theo, who is now five. I moved out of my mums house at 19, married at 20 and then became a single mum at 23. It’s been a long hard road, but we’ve reached a destination that I feel good about. I even have my own little business, this little corner of the internet has transformed from a hobby to a full-time job. But despite raising two children on my own, being self-employed and having my own home, I still don’t feel like a ‘proper’ adult.
I still rely on family and friends for support and advice, especially when I am facing difficulties. I don’t know how to drive and I don’t have a clue about taxes. My love for Disney is stronger than ever and I regularly forget to feed myself because there is no-one there to remind me. Truth be told, I’m not sure whether I’ll ever feel like a ‘proper’ adult. I mean, what is a ‘proper’ adult supposed to feel like? At what moment do we begin to feel like a ‘proper’ adult?
I guess it depends what your perception of a ‘proper’ adult is.
Do you think of an adult as someone who has got it all together, who doesn’t still use their fingers to count and doesn’t class marshmallow fluff on toast as a meal?
I don’t know what the future holds, whether or not I’ll have any more children, remarry or fulfil my hopes and dreams. I don’t have a 5 year plan or even a 1 year plan. I’m just winging my way through life hoping that nothing ever goes catastrophically wrong.
Part of me kind of likes not having it all mapped out. The diversions I’ve taken so far in life have made me the person I am today. The other part of me believes that one day it will all just click into place and I won’t need a real adult to come and save the day.