Is it just me, or are the years flying by? It was my 27th birthday yesterday and I’m still very much in denial about the big 30 edging closer and closer. I’d quite like to stay 26 for a while longer! The past year has thrown an awful lot in my direction, both good and bad. Therefore I’ve decided to round off my stint of being 26 with a letter to myself. A reminder to myself, and to anyone reading this, that it’s okay not to be okay, it’s okay to struggle, no matter how old you are.
Well, you made it, another year older and wiser. It’s funny how much can change in a year isn’t it? Your 26th birthday, and many other birthdays, have felt like a ten ton weight on your shoulders. Not your 27th birthday, you’ve learned so much.
You’ve realised that it is okay to make peace with the past, rather than living each day thinking about the what if’s. Of course you still think about estranged family, past experiences and mistakes you’ve made, but you don’t let those thoughts destroy your future. You have wasted so much time punishing yourself mentally for situations and scenarios that weren’t your fault or were out of your control. Slowly, your learning to love yourself instead of resenting yourself. I’m really proud of you.
Whilst we are on the topic of resentment, I want to remind you that resenting a situation or a person is completely normal. But, in the infamous words of Elsa, let it go. Let go of whatever else your mind is clinging onto, make the last three years of your twenties count, don’t allow these three years to be haunted by the past.
You’ve tried so hard to take control of your anxiety. I know its hard to quiet the noise in your mind that races at 100 miles per hour day in, day out. You are becoming really good at balancing your anxiety your voice of reason. You now know the difference between your anxious train of thought and reality. The lines are no longer as blurred as they once were and I think that’s great. I know you spent a long time thinking you’d ‘grow out’ of your anxiety but the truth is, your anxiety and depression make you, you. It’s not something you grow out of. It won’t all just go away, but as you get older you learn how to cope and manage. If we’re being brutally honest, it took you a little longer to find a way to manage, but you got there in the end.
Slow and steady wins the race so they say.
On your 27th birthday, I want to remind you that it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to have tough days, to be a little grumpy and fed up. It’s okay for your children to see your tough days as well as your good days. You are only human.
Anyway, enough of the heavy stuff. Let’s finish up with the fact that you have single-handedly raised two fantastic children, kept a small business afloat, moved home and created hundreds if not thousands of happy memories. You and only you have managed all of that, you may never realise it, but you are a superwoman. I know it can all be exhausting. I know you’d love to press pause once in a while, but I just want you to stop for a moment and remember how awesome you are.
You’ve built a life that works for you and your children. For that reason alone you should be incredibly proud. You are unstoppable. You still don’t have it all figured out, and some days, it seems like you never will. Some days, you still wonder if you made the right choices or if you are enough. I promise, you are.
Here’s to another year of conquering demons and embracing who you are, the good, the bad, and the ugly.