I didn’t plan you, or expect you. You took me by surprise, but as soon as I saw you on that screen I loved you.
A tiny flicker, a little life.
For the first time in a long time, I felt worthy. You’d grown within me, I was good enough. I basked in the joy of carrying you for only a few short weeks before your tiny heart stopped beating and you passed away.
I don’t remember much of that day, I held it all together and went off to school pick up like nothing had happened.
But inside I was broken. The pain of losing you was like no other.
I was lost. Lost within those words, the next steps, the look on the sonographer’s face and the arms of my best friend.
Everyone was talking about procedures and protocol, they were all so cold.
I’d failed, I wasn’t good enough after all.
Maybe you knew my world was tough, but I wish you knew that you’d have made it so much better.
Your big brother and sister would have adored you, it would have been the four of us against the world.
If only you’d stayed.
My arms will ache forever, a piece of my heart always with you.
You were with me for such a short while, but you’ll be in my heart forever.
Sweet dreams, my precious baby. I’ll always wonder who you would have been.
Baby Loss Awareness Week is held annually from 9 to 15 October. It’s a special opportunity to mark the brief lives of babies lost in pregnancy or at or soon after birth.
There is nothing anyone can do or say to make the pain of miscarriage/baby loss ease, but charities such as SANDS and The Miscarriage Association offer invaluable support and advice during unbearable times.